Dancing to Dirges

Depressing and happy things Tim says, sometimes while drunk

Friday, June 08, 2007

Things fall down. Literally. That's not a metaphor, it's fucking gravity

This is the picture my wife emailed me at work yesterday. That's my driveway. That's part of my tree. They're buddies now. It's a little hard to get perspective on that, but the branch is probably, what...thirty feet long? And it's ten inches at the base. Pretty heavy. So the first thing I got to do when I got home yesterday was man up and saw off a couple of the limbs that were holding it in place, then drag the branches and twist so the whole thing would come free and fall. I didn't even crush the flowerbed by the driveway. Pretty awesome. I felt cocktastic afterwards. SPARTA!

And then apparently there were a bunch of tornadoes and drenching rains and baseball sized hail, but where I was it didn't even rain.


At 6:08 PM , Blogger Splitcoil said...

I think it was the mane that imbued you with superhuman strength. You have to keep it now. Meanwhile, I had nearly all of my hair shaved off today. The little Filipino lady at the barber shop kept protesting, trying to impress upon me just how short my hair would be after #1 and #2 clippers, thinking that surely it was a language barrier issue and she just didn't understand what I was asking for.

At 10:04 PM , Anonymous rdm said...

You now have reason to rent one of the most awe inspiring tools known to common man- a chipper/shredder.

I have had the occasion to use one twice now, and they are amazing. One I rented for four hours, and three of us worked non stop feeding it trees. It finally ran out of gas 15 minutes before it was due back, after having chipper/shredded an entire elven village.

Even though you only have one branch, it's totally worth it.

At 6:27 AM , Blogger Tim Akers said...

SC - I'll grow hair aplenty for the both of us.

Ryan - No, my friend. I am a mountain man. I burn the wood that falls on my property. After it's aged for a season or two, of course.

At 9:46 AM , Blogger colin said...

I agree. Somehow I can't imagine burly men with epic hair and no shirts shouting SPARTA! as they throw branches into a chipper. It just doesn't seem right to dispose of the bodies like that. They should burn.

At 9:47 AM , Blogger colin said...

Mind you, reducing an entire elven village to pitiful shavings is a worthy endeavor.


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