Dancing to Dirges

Depressing and happy things Tim says, sometimes while drunk

Monday, February 04, 2008

Don't bother reading this.

I like it when these lists come out, because it reminds me that "you're nobody motherfucker. We don't even see you." Just for reference. We like making lists. I keep telling myself that it doesn't bother me, but who are we fucking here? I think well of my work. Combine it with the day I'm having at work? Priceless.

I really wish this business wasn't soaked in the grimy sweat of hungry desperation that seems to drip from its every pore. I wish it was something where we could be content with whatever success we found, perhaps take a little joy in the work itself. I wish it wasn't so tightly linked to social circles and convention circuits, and whose friend's editor's agent is on the selection committee. I'm being overly vitriolic about this, but I don't think anything works. I don't think anyone is right.

Anyway. Insert rant about gatekeepers and meritocracy and the problem with art as commercial product. Reference what's important to you, and what you would do if you were doing what you wanted. Ask yourself why you're not happy, and be happy.

I'm just saying. Why am I sitting here?


At 4:00 PM , Blogger colin said...

Oops. I read it.

I don't know how, but I think you do have to ignore it. Drive is good, but worrying about recognition is too risky. If it ruined the craft for you, and you stopped writing, that would be a terrible waste.

At 4:46 PM , Blogger Splitcoil said...

Just so you know, many professional communities have these lists. Mine even has these lists. I make some lists, I don't make other lists. Usually when I make a big list, it's for the dumbest, least significant thing I've done that year.

Which tends to help one keep perspective on just how valuable those lists are. Not very.

Just wait til the novel hits big and those guys are all begging you for blurbs for their next books.

"Smith writes an awful list, but this book is pretty damned good."

At 2:24 PM , Blogger Tim Akers said...

Thanks for the kindness, folks. I try hard not to care what people think, but part of my drive is keyed to, you know...success. Insert old cliche about never quite being content. Also, laurels ain't for restin'.


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