Dancing to Dirges

Depressing and happy things Tim says, sometimes while drunk

Friday, December 14, 2012

Ten years on, and ten more years, and ten...

In some ways this has been a portentous week, and in other ways this week has been a reminder that my life is just made of days, with the yesterdays passed and unalterable, and the tomorrows something I can't do much about. That life is a long series of today, and doing what I can with today.

I turned forty this week. On Wednesday, actually. So, yes, turned forty on 12/12/12. If that doesn't leave you feeling like the period on the end of a prophecy, I don't know what will. Maybe if I turned twelve that day. And while I'm not someone who pays a lot of attention to my own age, beyond what it means for my insurance and overall sense of mortality, the ten year anniversaries mean a little.

It was on my thirtieth birthday that I decided to get serious about this writing thing. Since it's so close to the end of the year, I spent the rest of December doing research, and started scribing in earnest with the new year. So it's ten years since I started writing. Ten years. I guess it's worth looking back.

Am I where I wanted to be at this point? No, not at all, but that's partly because I really had no idea what I was talking about back then. The realities of the writing industry had not been impressed on my joyful optimism. And I really hadn't done the background work I needed to do to succeed.

But it's been ten years, and I'm writing full time. I'm not living off of my writing yet, but I have to believe that I'll get there. I need to get there. And all I can do about that is what I do today. Tomorrow isn't here yet.

What's strangest about this particular anniversary is that I don't really have a lot to say about it. I'm happy, but discontent. I'm determined, but occasionally overwhelmed at how little control I have in my own well being. I believe enough to know that I'd be a fool to not doubt.

Anyway. Ten years. They're passed, and all I have is today, and tomorrow's today, and every today that follows.